Reflexive Wonderment
The exerpt was a part of an exchange occurring between what I would refer to as the personality and the larger collective Self on what can be thought of as being a loving, compassionate witness or reflective wonderment. Enjoy. …Don’t go into story in general, for that is a waste of your time. You can create some wonderful stories with your mind but you can equally paint your own hell by creatively and convincingly taking over reality with story. Create stories that support understanding and growth potential. -Reflexive wonderment. That is a good cue to work with. What is that? -That is when you sense a story coming on but you don’t go into it, rather, you watch as the witness of the story but then peel yourself off of it by using your senses to tune into the current reality. The reality of your hands, and feet, and the room that you are in, the reality of sound and pleasure if it is available to you. Reflexive wonderment is having the capacity to spring from the story back into your body and then to use the body cues as energy. You then use that energy to off gas by creatively expressing through unattached visions, dreams, sounds, movement, dance, writing and then let go of what was off gassed knowing that what you are off gassing is just the creative energy that got stuck in yourself or someone else. In this way, its a Divine flow of energy being released. And no one gets harmed bc it’s just movement from one state into another form. What is important is that it doesnt get stuck in the body, keep it and yourself moving and when you are in the middle of a thick flow cue ‘reflexive wonderment’ which will help you remind you that the energy being felt and then expressed is not yours, not a part of your true identity. For example, when your family member says she wants you to do something of which you feel there is no basis in support from the universe, you can let her words flow through you without the attachment of your ‘figuring it out’ It’s just energy attempting to latch onto something or to be released. Some part of her knows this, and so do you, but either of you can fixate on the release and then get stuck in the confines of a ‘problem’ that never needed to be solved. Let her express herself in any way she knows how and keep in mind that this is her off gassing. When it becomes too much, ask to step away for a few moments. That might be all that she needs to say for the moment. If she comes back to it, let her know that it’s okay to take a break from this for now and that you can return to it a little bit later. You may end up teaching her that she can think and feel things, let them go, be safe, and when it comes around again it’s a little bit lighter. She may not know this intellectually, but she will be learning this internally as a way without words, but that it comes naturally and that is plenty for her. She has no need to analyze things and she shouldn’t have to. She just needs to feel safe in your presence and you can help her with that by being an agent of non attached witnessing of her flow. Remember, you don’t need to stay stuck in it with her, you too can take breaks, offering compassionate quietude. And what about ourselves? -When you feel the tension of something coming on or building, that is the first sign of resistance. You reflexively bind up in preparation and protection. But you do not need to do this. You can visualize a field of flow coming into you, like a black mass of smoke and then allow it to also exit out either the crown of your head if it is not yours or up to the Divine for guidance. It is not You that needs to ‘figure it out’ You will have greater vision and clarity if you allow it to pass and then look on at it from a distance once in your core again when you have your most tools for creative discovery and understanding. -Take for example your friend, she was at her whits end and you came in to save her, but you couldn’t save her bc there was nothing to save. So you created a story of saving her when it wasn’t needed. All that was needed was presence to hear her story and let it be off gassed while pointing out what she could make sense of. You spend a lot of time trying to fix stories that others create but the thing is, those stories are endless mind traps with no end. Rather, you allow the passing of story-energy and wait for moments of clarity. That is all you need to do. So one, they feel safe bc they can tell you the stories without you both becoming trapped, and then two you help them reorganize themselves into their own wholeness and wisdom by highlighting what they know is true but am too bombarded to hear bc of all the other conflicting stories. This seeming crisis for her is another example of this at work within you and how you do this to yourself, the tidal waves of bombardment. Notice, when you are with those who you feel safe with, they don’t try to save you, they just point out what you know is true, or point out the pieces that you are not hearing loudly enough bc your own head is so loud. So it is with working with others.
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The Unanswered Question
There is an unanswered question living through us. The question or questions that form the basis of our being here in each lifetime, and what determines the what and why of where life takes us. As gardeners of our Soul’s purpose, we get to journey by way of how, when and with whom we learn to live out these lessons. Frustrating it may be for this can take a whole lifetime or more to learn the multifaceted areas which fill out all that we need to know about this area of our being, and on top of that, the pain and discomfort of letting go of ways once felt kept us safe, or ways that we have formed our identity. Further, each individual has their own unique questions to answer which necessarily can create conflict with others needing to learn the opposite lesson for their own development, or those living out past lessons that you may have grown through. To put this in context, many life questions come down to lovability. Am I lovable? Am I lovable without being perfect? Am I lovable without being understood? Am I lovable without someone’s commitment to a form of that love? Is my lovability true if it changes shape or form? If someone is searching to answer such questions and then find themselves in a relationship with another person who has a different set of questions or focus they at some point may come into conflict with each other. One may grapple with lovability while the other may feel a need for development of self mastery or self competency. This doesn’t necessarily mean love or safety is not true, but each may be finding their way through mastery of and eventual transcendence of their lessons. Or perhaps two people who have a similar focus, of which a guiding flow is established, they may be gently, albeit some bumps along the way, be supporting one another through. On a personal level, I am learning through a myriad of lovability questions, such as am I lovable without being perfect or understood. I frequently run into family, friends, coworkers who love me when I am satisfying their needs or roles-but unlovable when I miss the mark of their expectations. And yet, there are a handful who are not requiring that I show up with anything but my willingness to be here, look, inquire. And yet a smaller handful of those of which I do not meet their expectations, and yet love remains. So, turning to the validation of love outside no longer works consistently, and helps point to the inner vessel of love that remains constant. It causes me to go inward, to ask the question of my own lovability, and find it in myself to hold my own sense of value and worth without conditions-and there-I am free. Yet safety and belonging is also a real thing in the world-a need. So-learning to live this out as a dynamic of needs, meeting those needs, owning or lowering expectations, and accepting the truth of what remains despite temporary changes amidst the unchanging truth of love in/of the universe. This all lives out through imperfect friendships and relationships, the Soul and the Source of all that guiding. The multiple facets of lessons, continues in its unfolding nature. I forget, I am reminded. I learn again, then I forget and find another facet of this complex yet genuinely true and invaluable lesson of lovability and acceptance of self and others. We each carry within us, our life questions, or life lessons, some around lovability, others, it may be around safety, competency, belonging, self mastery, ad infinitum. We tend to want to figure them out with our minds, by analyzing and getting ahead in order to regain control. But life doesn’t work this way, and I would prefer that it doesn’t. We get to be here, for ‘X’ amount of time, through imperfect, beautiful, strange, awkward, bumpy, uncomfortable, extraordinary and mysterious and inspiring life experiences. We get to live it through, develop a rich patina to call our own, and then share as gifts to others on their own journey of love and understanding. We tend our own Soul’s journey, seek through the mystery, breaking our old ways and habits, ultimately to come into greater love of ourselves and others. Knit together in multiple forms and patterns we can’t see, but feel. Rainer Maria Rilke writes, in Letters to a Young Poet “I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” All love, Andrea |
AuthorAs a person who is highly interested in the inner landscape through interaction with the external, I find it invaluable to express these experiences. Here, a collection of musings; experiments, potential truths, and ultimately, my unique pathway of creative learning and growth. Blog and website edited by scholar, literary enthusiast, horticulturist and friend Peter Dryden.
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